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EmailThe Emotional Domino Effect Of The Holocaust: Are The Relationships Between Holocaust Survivors And Their Adult Grandchildren Distinct From “Normal” Grandparent Adult Grandchildren?
Elise Kayfetz
Toronto
Introduction:
The impact of the Holocaust resonates in the lives of survivors sixty years later (Brandler, 2000). Furthermore, existing research is primarily based on how the Holocaust impacts survivors’ older years and how it impacts children of survivors (Wardi, 1994; Shmotkin, 2003; Portney, 2003; Fossian, 2003). However, the study of issues relating to the relationships between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren has been greatly neglected (Portney, 2003; Fossian, 2003). Currently, there are 250, 000 children of Holocaust survivors in America, and over 300, 000 children of Holocaust survivors living in Israel (Korn, 2006). Assuming that all these individuals had at least on child, one can postulate that there are at least 275,000 grandchildren of Holocaust survivors alive today. The following questions emerge: What is the nature of the relationships between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren? Are these relationships distinct from the bonds between “normal” grandparents and adult-grandchildren? How does the value placed on these relationships by those involved differ, if at all, from the importance placed on these relationships by grandparents who did not experience the Holocaust? Are adult grandchildren affected by the emotional domino effect of their grandparent’s trauma? This paper will explore these questions. “Normal” grandparent-adult grandchild relationships—that is relationships that do not include a grandparent who survived the Holocaust—will be examined. Then, grandparent-adult grandchild relationships of those affected by the Holocaust will be examined and contrasted with “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships. Comparing grandparent adult grandchildren relationships in these two different contexts will contribute to an understanding of whether and how relationships between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren might be distinct. The following topics will be explored in this paper: changing families; meanings and perceptions of “normal” grandparent-adult grandchild relationships and the relationships between Holocaust survivors and their adult grandchildren.
The Social Context of Grandparent-Grandchild Relationships:
With increased change within today’s families, it is likely that adult grandchildren will be able to spend more time with their grandparents (Dubas, 2001; Kemp, 2004; Alley, 2004; Mills, 1999). Some of these changes include increased longevity, improved health and better communication via telephone and even email. Furthermore, this may illustrate that depending on the closeness of the relationships between grandparents and their adult grandchildren, there is more time to develop strong relationship bonds. As a result of these changes, grandparents’ involvement in the lives of their grandchildren may impact the importance placed upon these relationships by both grandparents and their adult grandchildren (Alley, 2004; Carson, 1996; Szinovacz, 1998). If grandparents are healthier and are better at communicating, it is likely that these relationships will be enhanced. It is also important to note that “most of today’s grandchildren will have all or most of their grandparents survive at least during part of their childhood and adolescence, and many will have surviving grandparents well into their adult years” (Szinovacz, 1998). Alley (2004) has stated that grandchildren 30 years of age can expect to have at least one surviving grandparent. Furthermore, one third of grandchildren will have all grandparents alive by the age of 10, and three quarters will have at least one surviving grandparent at age 30” (Alley, 2004). In addition, “three quarters of Canadians aged 65 years and over have at least one grandchild, and most have more than one” (Chappell, 2003, pp. 289). As a result of these societal changes and the fact that grandparents are living longer, grandchildren may have the potential to spend more time with their grandparents (Alley, 2004); however, because of the overlap in grandparents and their grandchildren’s lives, they may not necessarily spend more time together.
“Normal” Grandparent adult grandchild relations—meaning and perceptions:
It is useful to contextualize propositions about Holocaust survivors’ relationships within comparative but “normal” relationships. Kemp (2004) conducted a qualitative study on the intergenerational relationships between grandparents and their adult grandchildren in order to understand the meaning of these ties. Kemp interviewed 10 granddaughters, and nine grandsons with an average age of 24; she also interviewed 15 grandmothers and three grandfathers with an age range from 67-91. She found that the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren were loving, supportive “nurturing [and provided] companionship” (Kemp, 2004, pp. 166). In addition, Hodgson (1992) found that “normal” grandparent-adult grandchildren dynamics are strong and enduring (Hodgson, 1992, pp. 209) and that relationships were meaningful to children across all developmental stages (Hodgson, 1992). Carson notes that as “grandchildren grow up, [their] relationships with grandparents remain influential,” (1996 pp. 32) and over time these relationships come to be based on friendship rather then obligation (ibid). These “normal” enduring ties between grandchildren and their grandchildren may be due to the fact that grandparents occupy an important and active role in the family (Sanders & Trygstad, 1993) and grandchildren’s perceptions of their grandparents are positive. Furthermore, grandparents are more likely to be more “fun” (Ross et al., 2003) as opposed to demanding respect and deference, compared to earlier generations. In addition, there may be less of a cultural gap between the generations.
Relationships between grandparents and their adult grandchildren may mean a variety of things and it is likely that meanings are expressed heterogeneously. Meaning can be described as loving and enduring and may have a large impact on grandparent and adult grandchildren’s lives. Verscheueren et al. (1993) found that the relationship between a grandchild and grandparent can provide a sense of fulfillment in the lives of both.
Both the grandparent and adult grandchildren derive shared and similar meanings from their relationships with one another. Kemp noted that grandparents and adult grandchildren provide each other with loving and enduring relations (2004) which can provide both individuals with meaning in their lives. Kemp’s qualitative study on the relationships between grandparents and their adult grandchildren found that interactions become a “two-way street,” and both Kemp (2004) and Alley (2004) further illustrate that grandparents and their adult grandchildren share varying positive meanings with one another. For example, grandchildren may associate their grandparents as their best friend (Kemp, 2004). Ross et al (2003) also found that the bonds between grandparents and their adult grandchildren strengthened especially during times of need. For example, when a grandparent passes away, the bonds between grandchildren and widowed grandparents are strengthened (Ross et al, 2003). Bonds may also be strengthened if a grandparent raised their adult grandchildren. This illustrates that grandparents and their grandchildren may have a supportive bond and can rely on one another especially in time of need. This may also underline the fact that grandchildren and grandparents remain as a constant support system for one another. Though grandparents and adult grandchildren share similar feelings, meanings and connections to one another, their perceptions can also be different.
Grandparent’s perceptions:
Although grandparents and their adult grandchildren share similar meanings, studies have found that there are differences in the ways in which grandparents perceive their relationships with their adult grandchildren (Kemp, 2004; Alley, 2004; Hodgson, 1992) Many studies have shown that grandparents invest more time in their relationships with their grandchildren than grandchildren do (Alley, 2004; Hodgson, 2004). This may be a result of the fact that grandparents are living longer, and may have more post-retirement time to invest in these relationships. However, as Sanders (1993) found, grandparents with health problems may not have the physical and emotional strength to maintain strong relationships with their grandchildren. Of course, this does not necessarily mean that grandparents with health problems do not love their grandchildren.
Kivnick (1983) developed five levels of meanings which capture the essence of grandparenthood. The five meanings include centrality, the valued elder, immortality through the clan, re-involvement with personal past and indulgence. The five stages provide an understanding of what grandparents gain from their involvement with their grandchildren. For instance, grandparents have stated that their grandchildren were a form of “eternal life” and gave them a “feeling of continuity,” (Kemp, 2004). Furthermore, studies have also shown that grandparents spoke positively about becoming a grandparent and expressed feelings of love, enjoyment and happiness towards their grandchildren (Alley, 2004; Brusonni, 1998; Kemp, 2004; Hodgson, 1992; Ross et al (2003). This illustrates that grandparents feel deep rooted connections to their grandchildren and take pride in their relationships. In all of these studies, grandparents mentioned that they wanted their adult grandchildren to be happy and healthy and that if their grandchildren ever needed their support, it would be forthcoming (Kemp, 2004; Alley, 2004; Ross et al (2003). These studies indicate that grandparents see their relationships with their adult grandchildren as very meaningful and influential, indicating that those relationships are probably very strong. It is interesting to note that although the majority of these relationships are positive, Ross et al (2003) illustrated that if the relationships between grandparents and their grandchildren were not strong at a young age, it is most likely these relationships will remain weak as grandchildren grow older.
Adult grandchildren’s perceptions:
According to existing studies, adult grandchildren perceive their grandparents in a variety of ways. Many studies find that grandparents symbolize a link to the past and enable adult grandchildren to understand their heritage (Carson, 1996; Kemp, 2004; Alley, 2004). This is an important characteristic as history can shed meaning on an individual’s life. Adult grandchildren gain a sense of identity through their relationships with their grandparents and feel that their grandparents provide them with unconditional love (Kemp, 2004; Carson, 1996). Some adult grandchildren view their grandparents as their “mom and dad”, indicating that this intergenerational bond is stronger than one may think (Rose et al, (2003). In addition, some grandchildren “view their grandparents less as baby sitters…and more as companions and confidants” (McPherson, 2004, pp. 259). Sanders and Trygstad (1993) studied the strengths in the grandparent-grandchild relationships of 125 college students. The majority of respondents described their relationships with their grandparents as positive and that 91.8% stated that the relationship was important. This statistic may represent an upward bias, due to the possibility of an error at the operationalization stage of the research design. Respondents may have answered instinctively, representing the social reality of family values rather than the individual’s experience of the same. Fifty percent of grandchildren felt appreciated by their grandparents, and approximately 70% stated that their grandparents gave them meaning in life. Grandchildren also had high regard for the fact that their grandparents treated them like adults, respected their decisions, provided them with emotional support, and gave them excellent advice (Sanders & Trygstad, 1993). Overall, grandchildren found their relationships with their grandparents meaningful and of great value to their lives (Sanders and Trygstad, 1993). Carson and Alley further show the importance grandparents place on their relationships with grandchildren (1996; 2004). Carson’s (1996) study found that grandchildren gained a sense of identity, stability, security and values from their relationships with their grandparents. (1996). Many adult grandchildren’s grandparents have lived through many hardships, which, in turn, have provided their grandchildren with tools needed to manipulate difficult situations (Carson, 1996).
On the other hand however, grandchildren can sometimes perceive their relationships with their grandparents as an “obligation” and felt obliged and pressured to maintain contact (Kemp, 2004). Grandparents, however, identified their relationships with their grandchildren as “just want[ing] to” and not as an obligation (Kemp, 2004). This shows that not all relationships between grandparents and their adult-grandchildren are reciprocated and that some grandchildren may not have personal connections and meaningful attachments to their grandparents.
Maternal vs. Paternal Grand-parenting:
Does gender linage play a role in emotional closeness and satisfaction in intergenerational relationships? Are maternal or paternal grandparents closer with adult grandchildren? How does gender play into intergenerational meanings? Alley (2004) introduces a study conducted by Robertson which discusses the different roles grandmothers and grandfathers occupy. Robertson’s study found that grandfathers on both the maternal and paternal side of the family acted as role models and involved in instrumental roles, which included advising and teaching. On the other hand, grandmothers provided emotional and financial support, financially supported their grandchildren, reassured grandchildren about their self worth, acted as a mediator between grandchildren and their parents, acted as substitute caregivers and occupied the role of “ministers of the interior”. Robertson’s study as mentioned in the Alley article (2004) describes the “ministers of the interior” role as individuals who specialize in emotional roles, and provide care. From this study one can postulate that grandmothers and grandfathers each occupy different roles that fulfill their grandchildren’s varying needs. It is also important to note that grandparent roles are patterned by gender, just as parent roles are. In another study, Dubas (2001) compared two theories—kin keeper and kin selection. Kin keeper represented the women role and kin selection represented the male role. Kin keepers, the female role, maintain family ties and connections by organizing family functions and parties (Dubas, 2001). The kin selector’s role, the male role, is to provide advice and narrative (stories of the past) to their grandchildren; however, in some cases, men can occupy the role of kin keeper. For instance, if the kin keeper passes away, the male figure in the family may occupy the kin keeper role. The kin keeper and kin selector role illustrate that the differences between men and women and indicate that the kin keeper—female role is likely to be more involved with maintaining relationships with adult grandchildren. This is important to address and may indicate that grandmothers often play a major role in the lives of their grandchildren. In support of this notion, one study found that maternal grandparents had more contact than paternal grandparents and that grandmothers were valued more because of their expressive roles (Sanders, 1993); however, more investigation is necessary. Furthermore, Dubas (2001) found that the majority of grandchildren were closer with their maternal grandparents, as women traditionally were more involved within the family then men. In addition, it is important to note that in North America, ties between women are stronger than ties between men, on average, and the mother-daughter tie is supposedly the closest of all. It is therefore logical that maternal grandparents would be closer than paternal ones. In addition, Hoffman (1980) and Roberto et al (1992) found that grandchildren reported significantly closer bonds with their maternal grandmothers than with their paternal grandparents. However, Dubas (2001) found that depending on the context of the relationship, “paternal grandparents may provide stronger bonds then maternal grandparents.
Aside from what has already been illustrated about maternal and paternal differences in grandparenting, it is also important to note that from a demographic standpoint, women tend to live longer than men, and will most likely have “relationships with their grandchildren when they are both children and adults” (Chappell, 2004, pp. 299). Thus, this illustrates the importance of understanding these relationships contextually in order to understand the meanings attached to grandparent- adult grandchildren relationships. These will also further our understanding of whether or not relationships between grandparents and their adult grandchildren are positive or negative.
Positive vs. Negative:
Next, it is important to examine how positive as well as negative relationships between grandparents and adult grandchildren are central for understanding the meanings attached to these relationships. According to Ally (2004), regardless of the positive or negative meanings, it is important to note that these relationships still exist (Alley, 2004) and this will be discussed in the following. First, when examining positive relationships between grandparents and their grandchildren one can see several elements. A common positive attribute is that both the grandparent and adult grandchild are involved in one another’s life. They have a familial tie which allows for them to indulge in each others lives. However, grandparents are generally better at maintaining contact (Kemp, 2004). Kemp (2004) interviewed grandchildren and grandparents and found that both associated positive feelings towards one another. An adult grandchild in Kemp’s study said that their grandparents were like their “best friends. It’s great!” (Kemp, 2004). This example shows how meaningful grandparents and grandchildren relationships can be, and that each individual cherishes their connections with one another. This close connection speaks volumes about the linage and interaction from one generation to another and how it is central to maintaining a positive relationship. On the other hand, however, relationships between grandchildren and grandparents can also be negative. A major reason for this may be that there are tensions between grandparents and their children as a result of unresolved conflicts (Alley, 2004). This may severe the ties between grandparents and grandchildren and deny both of them the benefit of bonding with one another. Another reason may be that grandchildren married out of the faith. Marrying within the faith may also be of great importance to grandparents. This may be linked to the idea that grandparents are bearers of culture, tradition and religion. Other reasons for negative relationships between grandchildren and their grandchildren may be that physical or financial abuse may be taking place; however, there is little evidence supporting this point.
Holocaust survivors and their Grandchildren:
There has been an extensive amount of research on the effects of the Holocaust on survivors as well as the transmission of trauma onto their offspring. Few studies have investigated the transmission of intergenerational traumas to the third generation (Fossion et al., 2003; Portney, 2003). Fossion et al. (2003) notes that “symptoms of the third generation might be a consequence of the trans-generational transmission of Holocaust trauma”. Thus, in order to understand the relationships between grandchildren and their grandparents it is important to understand how grandchildren may have been affected by their grandparent’s traumatic experiences during the Holocaust. The following questions ask whether or not the relationships between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren may be distinct from “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relations. Does the transmission and pain of trauma from children transmit to their own offspring? Can grandchildren of Holocaust share similar feelings of anxiety and fears as their grandparents? How may the relationship between Holocaust survivors and their offspring affect third generations? How do Holocaust survivors view their grandchildren? These questions can help understand the meanings and perceptions connected to the relationships between adult grandchildren and their grandparents.
Meanings and Perceptions:
In order to understand the meanings and perceptions of Holocaust survivors’ relationships with their adult grandchildren, it is important to understand how grandchildren may be affected by the intergenerational transmission of trauma. This will guide our understanding as to whether or not the meanings and perceptions of these relationships are distinct from “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships.
Adult grandchildren of Holocaust survivors
Literature has shown that grandchildren of Holocaust survivors felt their grandparents’ experience in the Holocaust affected them in multiple ways (Wardi, 2004; Fossion et al., 2003). Studies show varying degrees of Holocaust survivor’s impact on their grandchildren including psychological and social impacts (Fossion et al., 2003; Wardi, 2004; Ganz, 2002).
The International Society of Traumatic Stress Studies, an organization that has provided psychological support for victims and their families since 1985, has reported that psychopathology is present in the third generation of Holocaust survivors (ISTSS). This domino effect of trauma may influence the ways in which grandchildren view their grandparents and vice versa. Although there are few studies on the intergenerational transmission of the Holocaust on grandchildren, studies have shown “handling down of neurotic traits” is common among those affected by traumatic experiences (Portney, 2003). Fossion et al. (2003) describes grandchildren as the “brunt of the shock wave of the Holocaust trauma” further supporting the notion that grandchildren are deeply affected by the traumatic events which their relatives have endured. Fossion et al. (2003) discusses that since parents (children of Holocaust survivors) lacked autonomy, third generation children did not enjoy a “family climate” that allowed them to experiment with new forms of expression. This suggests that the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren may also be inhibited. Fossion et al. (2003) shows that children of the Holocaust had to give up their lives and one make ask what exactly this means in terms of what has been "given up". One may argue that these people are giving up their lives in order to “protect their parents from their own feelings of helplessness”. This suggests that third generation survivors may have experienced a difficult upbringing as a result of their parents own unresolved problems. Ganz (2002) examined personal accounts of grandchildren of Holocaust survivors and found many psychological impacts. These include the following: intrusiveness, overprotection, lack of boundaries, pain, paranoia, depression, anxiety, concerns of safety and suffering. Grandchildren have also experienced social problems among friends (Wardi, 1994). For instance, since grandchildren showed similar symptoms exhibited by their grandparents, for example, lack of trust, adult grandchildren experience a sense of mistrust among their friends and within their lifetime (Ganz, 2002). Ganz (2002) examined a study conducted by Virag in 1984 in which Virag examined grammar school aged children whose grandparents survived the Holocaust. Ganz (2002) discusses Virag’s findings and indicates that young children experienced withdrawal, illness and general passivity. One of the child participants experienced nightmares (as reported by their psychiatrists) with themes of death and dying which originated from his grandparents experience in the Holocaust (Ganz, 2002). Though this does not directly relate to adult-grandchildren, it provides an understanding of how intense the intergenerational transmission of the Holocaust can be.
One study has shown that a parent’s (child of Holocaust survivor) high level of anxieties (affected by their own parents) can interfere with a child’s (grandchild) development (Portney, 2003). For example, a young male professional, sought treatment for his bulimia, depression and multiple anxiety disorders. Throughout his therapeutic process, he did not mention that his paternal grandparents were survivors of the Holocaust, who had also been greatly involved in raising him. Although his grandparents loved him, they had also been extremely critical of him. Furthermore, therapists found that “criticism was in the service of trying to make everything perfect to avoid some new, unspecified catastrophe” (ibid). Later on, therapists also learned that the young male professional’s father had suffered extreme anxieties (Portney, 2003). How does this 20 year old male’s experience affect his relationships with his grandparents, if at all? Does he blame his grandparents for his psychological problems, and as a result distance himself from his grandparents? Does this experience bring him closer to his grandparents? Do grandparents take the blame for their grandchildren’s psychological disruptions? Is there a sense of animosity? Or, is there a sense of unconditional understanding and relatedness? What does this transmission do to these relationships?
On the other hand, as mentioned earlier, grandparents can provide a link to the past which enables grandchildren to understand the history of their grandparents experience during the Holocaust (Carson, 1996; Kemp, 2004; Alley, 2004). Linking to the past is a beneficial component between grandchildren and their grandparents. Unfortunately, extant literature does not address positive impacts that may affect the lives of adult grandchildren with Holocaust survivor grandparents. However, literature involving Holocaust survivors reveals that grandchildren have been their best medicine (Fossion et al., 2003).
Holocaust survivor grandparents:
Early accounts in literature have described both children of Holocaust survivors and grandchildren as a symbol of revenge (Wardi, 1994). This may indicate that, Holocaust survivors see the birth of a new born child as a symbol of revenge to Hitler and the extermination of the Jews. Grandchildren are an extension of life, family, and one’s people thus we see how survivors see their grandchildren as central to their personal narrative. Glassman (2000) further discovered that grandparents had trouble accepting the birth of their grandchildren and found:
...Children often thought that giving grandchildren to their parents would be the greatest pleasure for them. It was a big disappointment, therefore, survivor parent was unable to show their delight. Some survivors, having witnessed the killing of tiny babies, found it hard to trust that their newly born grandchild would survive…
This illustrates that grandparents of the Holocaust have severe traumatic memories of their past, and that the severity of their pain also denied them the enjoyment of being a grandparent. However, Glassman (2000) noted that over time, these negative feelings could evolve into something more meaningful and would allow grandparents to develop loving and healthy relationships with their grandchildren. In addition, some Holocaust survivors have characterized their grandchildren as “memorial candles” (Wardi, 1994), which demonstrates that grandchildren may represent both a feeling of renewal, promise and optimism for a brighter future and a lasting memory of their past experiences. In addition, grandparents view their grandchildren as being able to fulfill their own lost dreams, for example, the dream of becoming a professional, thus living vicariously through their extended family (Ganz, 2002). Other dreams may have included travel, success and a happy life. Therefore, one can postulate that grandparents place pressure on their grandchildren in order to protect them from suffering and ensure they succeed in life and receive the pleasures in life that they did not have the opportunity to receive. Studies have also found that grandparents had difficulty opening up to their grandchildren about their past traumas (Schindler, 1992); however, Schindler et al, (1992) stated that “grandchildren serve as a catalyst in unfolding the past” of their grandparents’ horrific experiences during the Holocaust. In relation, Fossion et al. (2003) establishes that grandchildren have represented a link to their grandparents past and have enabled their grandparents to break out of 60 years of silence. Fossion et al. (2003) further recognizes that grandparents felt more comfortable sharing their past stories with their grandchildren than they did with their own children. Fossion et al. (2003) introduced a specific type of memory therapy, which involved two types of memory: “memory of life” and “memory of death”. “Memory of life” is the process of sharing one’s experiences before the Holocaust and also includes grandparents’ survival story. “Memory of death” refers to discussing horrifying memories of family members being killed, an aspect of a grandparent’s life that should not be discussed with grandchildren. After the therapy, Holocaust survivors were able to share their “memory of life” with their grandchildren, which created a meaningful bond between grandparent and adult grandchild (ibid). Fossion et al. (2003) reveals that grandchildren were able to create new meanings for the entire family and opened a new door for communication. Shoshan (1989) also noted that this type of communication brought the three generations closer together. Thus, one can speculate that this type of therapy was a healing process for all three generation of survivors.
“Normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships Vs. Holocaust survivors’ relationships with grandchildren:
From existing literature, one can assume that the relationships between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren are indeed distinct in comparison to “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships. First and foremost, the fact that third generations of Holocaust survivors have the potential to be psychologically affected by their grandparents experiences (Portney, 2003) is a distinct difference from “normal” relationships. There was no evidence in the literature on “normal” relationships that discussed such intense emotions in the grandchild. However, it is evident that the literature on “normal” grandparent adult grandchildren is more sociologically/ social psychologically based than literature on Holocaust survivors and their relationships with their grandchildren, which is more psychological/psychiatric based. Furthermore, even though grandchildren of normal relations do not experience the same intense psychological emotions, this may not mean that Holocaust survivors’ relationships with their grandchildren are more meaningful or better or worse than normal relations. In fact, one may need to evaluate the context of these relationships in order to find out true distinct differences. Just because a grandchild’s grandparent is not a survivor of the Holocaust, does not mean that their relationships with their grandparents are any less strong. One may draw the conclusion that that the relationships between “normal” grandparent and adult grandchild relationships may even be stronger. This may be in part that “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships openly discuss history and heritage (Carson, 1996; Kemp, 2004; Alley, 2004); something that may be too difficult for a Holocaust survivor to do with his or her grandchildren (Fossion et al., 2003). Yet, at the same time, just because a Holocaust survivor may not be able to share his or her past experiences with their grandchildren, does not mean that their relationship is not meaningful either. However, literature has shown that grandchildren provide a safe haven for their grandparents to share their past which in turn enhances communication among the extended family members.
The literature on Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren may also lead one to believe that Holocaust survivor grandparents are more overprotective of their grandchildren than are grandparents in “normal” relationships. This may be due to the fact that Holocaust survivors have unresolved memories of losing their loved ones during the Holocaust. This is a distinct difference between Holocaust survivor’s relationships with their grandchildren and “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships. The idea that grandchildren symbolize “memorial candles” can be assumed as a distinct difference (Wardi, 1994). Labeling a grandchild as “memorial candles” may give a grandchild the sense that they have an obligation to constantly remember the horrors of the Holocaust and are responsible for passing down memories to future generations. The responsibility of holding the label of a “memorial candle” can be very meaningful to both the Holocaust survivor and the grandchild. As a “memorial candle”, grandchildren can provide their grandparents with a sense of optimism and hope for a brighter future. On the other hand, bearing the responsibility of a “memorial candle” may be emotionally draining. However, this may also strengthen the bond between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren in turn, making their connections more distinct from “normal” relationships. This sheds light on the concept of continuity previously discussed in the paper. Both “normal” grandchildren and grandchildren of Holocaust survivors can be symbolized as a continuation of their grandparents’ legacy. Thus, not only do grandparents represent a link to their grandparents past, but grandchildren signify a link to their grandparent’s future. This may be especially important for Holocaust survivors since their grandchildren can pass down the story of their grandparent’s survival to their own children; and in turn, provide Holocaust grandparents with a sense of hope and gratitude. Though literature lacks information on grandchildren’s need to preserve their grandparent’s memory, is it likely that grandchildren of survivors feel a profound obligation and duty to remember their grandparents life story and pass it down to future generations. As mentioned earlier, grandchildren and grandparents can gain a sense of identity from one another. One can speculate that this is especially important for grandchildren (both “normal” and Holocaust grandchildren). Grandparents’ ability to provide a link to their grandchildren’s past history and heritage enables grandchildren to make sense of his or her identity. This may be more apparent for grandchildren of Holocaust survivors since their grandparents endured many hardships during the Holocaust in which grandchildren can learn from. Lessons learned from their grandparents experience during the Holocaust enable grandchildren to manipulate difficult situations. However, this does not mean that “normal” grandchildren do not gain a sense of identity from their grandparents past experiences. As literature shows, “normal” grandparents have undoubtedly shared their stories and experiences, but may not have affected them as much as grandchildren of Holocaust survivors. Thus, it is likely that both grandchildren of “normal” and Holocaust grandparents have been inspired.
Another aspect to consider is that Holocaust survivors may be more critical of their grandchildren as seen in the case study of the young male professional grandchild mentioned previously in this paper. Though this is a strong claim, the lack of existing literature on this topic may confirm this notion. In the literature on “normal” relationships there was no mention of grandparents being overly critical of their grandchildren. The only aspect that may relate to this is that grandparents of “normal” grandchildren, like Holocaust survivors, want their grandchildren to be successful and happy. One may also speculate that grandchildren of Holocaust survivors may inflict pain on their grandparents. In literature, some grandparents “found it hard to trust that their newly born grandchild would survive…having witnessed the killing of tiny babies” during the Holocaust (Glassman, 2000). This illustrates some grandparents may have problems connecting with their grandchildren and as a result distance themselves from forming relationships with their grandchildren. This may also be a painful experience for the grandchild. Gender is also another area to draw comparison between relationships of “normal” grandparent adult grandchild and Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren. As mentioned in the literature on “normal” relationships, the grandmother/ maternal grandparents fulfilled their gender role and offered emotional support to their grandchildren. However, one may assume that existing literature on Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren show that grandfathers/ paternal grandparents connected more with their grandchildren and shared their stories more than grandmothers/ maternal grandparents. Can we assume that grandchildren of Holocaust survivors lack emotional bonds present in “normal” relationships? Are “normal” relationships beneficial? More research must be conducted in order to draw conclusions. Thus, lack of research on how grandchildren of Holocaust survivors are impacted by their grandparents leaves room for further speculation. More research, especially qualitative (interviews) studies would be necessary. Therefore, understanding how grandchildren of Holocaust survivors are affected is important and in need of further investigation. The accounts presented about the young male professional (grandchild of Holocaust survivors) may lead on to believe that other grandchildren of Holocaust survivors are also at risk for psychological disturbances. Thus, it is important to understand the psychological impacts so that proper attention and treatment can be offered to grandchildren of Holocaust survivors. Overall, the fact that grandchildren of Holocaust survivors are psychologically affected by their grandparent’s experiences may lead one to believe that their relationships are distinct from “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships.
Based on the literature, Holocaust grandparents and “normal” grandparent’s relationships with their adult grandchildren share many similarities and differences. An important factor that needs to be addressed is that regardless of whether or not an individual’s grandparent survived the Holocaust, interactions between grandparents and their adult grandchildren exist and may also be experienced heterogeneously. Thus, it is important to note that each party is affected differently and that meanings can vary from one extreme to the next. As literature has illustrated, one may assume that both Holocaust and “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships provide mutual love and support as well as advice, continuity and links to both past and future. However, grandchildren and grandparents may not have these types of strong emotional meanings.
One limitation, as previously mentioned in this paper, is that the literature on Holocaust grandparents is different from that of normal grandparents—the former is psychiatric/ psychologically related, focusing on trauma, inner states and problems. The latter is more social psychological focusing on social changes and relationships. Thus, there is a need to study relationships within a similar context, for example, compare Holocaust survivors and “normal” grandparents from a sociological lens. The fact the literature on Holocaust survivors is psychological may be a bias for this particular comparison. One may assume that the relationships between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren are more meaningful because grandchildren are affected quite drastically. Thus, it may not be fair to say that the relationships between Holocaust survivors and their grandchildren are distinct from “normal” grandparents and their grandchildren based on what is known as the intergenerational transmission of trauma. However, on the other hand, one may suggest that grandchildren of Holocaust survivors seem to be more indebted to their grandparents than grandchildren of “normal” relationships because if it were not for their grandparents’ triumphant survival, grandchildren would not be alive.
Conclusion:
Despite the differences between Holocaust survivor meanings and perceptions in comparison to “normal” grandparent adult grandchild relationships, both relationships have been found to be strong, meaningful, and provide a source of emotional support for one another (Mills, 1999; Hodgson, 1992). Both Holocaust survivors and “normal” grandparents share supportive relationships with their grandchildren and provide “support and guidance to the young and [serve] as a source of assistance, meaningful activity, and pride for the old” (Crosnoe and Elder 2002). It is necessary for future studies to address the following questions: What about survivors of other genocides? Are their relationships characterized by the same features as those of Holocaust survivors? Maybe differences are cultural as well as Holocaust-related. In addition, a study could compare Holocaust survivor relationships to Jewish grandparents who were already in North America or other parts of the world during the Holocaust. Primary qualitative study needs to be generated in order to understand such subtleties. Another interesting comparison would be examining how Nazi-grandchildren relationships as well as non-Nazi German-grandchildren relationships are similar and different. It may also be valuable to compare survivors of war, not just genocidal experiences. Comparisons between survivors of genocide and survivors of other collective victimizations or national disasters should also be explored.
Furthermore, some may argue that the value of this kind of research is limited by the time remaining in its relevancy. However, this kind of research may be important for helping those affected directly or indirectly by the Holocaust, and possibly other genocides, to understand their own relationships. This type of research can also guide therapists and contribute to knowledge that can be used to reinforce potentially supportive social networks for survivors of more recent and current genocides. Regardless if these relationships are positive or negative it is important to note that they still exist and that they can be central to the lives of both grandparents and adult grandchildren.
References
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