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EmailA Jewish Child in Post War Germany Remembers
Esther Gruenfeld-Domowitz
Israel
Esther Domar, ( Gruenfeld-Domowitz) was born in Germany and lives in Israel . Last November she and a girl friend in Hannover had a telephone conversation that brought up memories from their Jewish childhood in Hannover . They were part of a very small post War Jewish community that brought all its children born after the War (1946-55) together at least 3 times a week to learn Hebrew and celebrate Kabbalat Shabbat. There were raised and felt like brothers and sisters. At the end of the 1950s and early 1960s many families left for the USA , Israel and Canada . Many of them had not seen each other for 35 yrs and more. During their phone conversation Esther and her friend thought how wonderful it would be if the childhood friends could meet again. They spent the next several months accumulating addresses, phone numbers, remembering names and looking for contacts and locations. Their dream became a reality and on July 2 nd , 2004 , about 40 of Hannover 's post war Jewish children returned to their city of origin to spend four days together. The program included a side trip to Bergen Belsen ( some of the children were actually born in Belsen ). They knew this gathering was a "once in a lifetime" experience
The following is Eshter Domar's Speech at the reunion of the 2 nd generation Jewish children born in Hannover 1946 – 1953
Dear Friends,
About 2 months ago, during one of our weekly phone calls, my girl friend Sylvia, who lives in Hannover, suggested that it would be a good idea if my brother Bruno would hold a speech to welcome all of our old friends who would arrive from all over the world to participate at our reunion.
I called my brother in London and told him that he needs to give a speech, a speech which will bring back to us our childhood memories.
The time when we were picked up by a little van that drove us 3 times per week to the JCC in Hannover , totally overcrowded and driving Mr. Goldmann and later Mr. Frydmann close to insanity.
To remember how well behaved we used to go to the Synagogue and to pretend we know how to read Hebrew, the Purim and Channukah holidays we all celebrated together…on Yom Kippur how we used to stick our tongues out to each other, to make sure nobody had eaten secretly…The 2 nd seder we used to celebrate together…our joint travels to the summer camps in the Black Forest…in short, I told my brother what he needed to say…at some stage this was all to much for him and he just said: “ Esther, I think you can give this speech by yourself!” So now I am standing here, quite excited and I am happy to see so many familiar faces.
I would like to tell you about my "almost" normal childhood in Hannover
My childhood began on 30 th August 1949 , I was born as the 2 nd child to Heinz and Julia Gruenfeld….my brother Bruno was 2 years old. I don't really remember much about my first years, the only occasions were our Chanukah and Purim parties at the JCC, where Mr. Prager, the head of the Jewish Community always held a little child in his arms, which unfortunately never was me…and was so immensely proud to be photographed with many little children………
This pride was so justified…a new generation of Jewish children was growing up, so very shortly after the Holocaust.
My first unconscious encounter with the suffering of my parents was… I must have been 4 years old, when I asked my father one day: " Papa, why do you have a number printed on your arm?"
The answer came immediately:
" Estherchen, I just can't remember my telephone number, so I have written the number on my arm."
I thought this was the most natural thing in the world,………..however from this day onwards, he seemed to be able to remember his phone number, because from now on and for ever after it was hidden under a band-aid.
During my childhood Purim, Pesach, Rosh Hashana Succoth etc. were celebrated and of course also Christmas and Easter. Christmas was celebrated with a huge Christmas tree, a Santa Claus and many, many gifts. Why Christmas? We lived in Germany and my parents did not want us to feel discriminated towards our neighbors' children and our classmates.
And one day, Christmas time was getting closer, I must have been 7 or 8 years old looking for the stand for the Xmas tree. " Papa, were is the stand for the tree?"
He answered in a very bad mood: "What do you want with a Christmas tree, don't you know that we are Jewish". "Yes, of course Papa but….but…."
No buts………..never again Christmas!!!!!!
From this incident you will understand that my father had not deserved a medal for empathy.
At the age of 6 I was put into an ordinary public primary school in Hannover . Soon the first classmates came to play in the afternoon and each time my mother used to ask:
"Estherchen, do the parents of Dagmar or Heide or Ingrid know that you are Jewish"?
What on earth did this question mean? Was it good or bad to be Jewish? It certainly seemed something special.
As I have told you I was now in primary school and for the first time I realized that there was something like an extended family. This was however true only for my classmates. How come they all had so many relatives? They had a grandmother and grandfather from their mother's side, a grandfather and grandmother from their father's side, uncles, aunts, cousins and they all lived so close to each other. Why didn't I have a cousin I could play with, and most important……….why didn't I have any grandparents????
My father had an elderly friend, one day I walked up to him and asked him:
" Do you want to be my granddaddy, perhaps?"
I would like to add here that I was the proud owner of an uncle who lived far away in Tel Aviv and I did have some distant cousins in South America .
My parents kept utter silence about the Nazi time and what had happened to them….nothing was told, nothing was explained, nothing was described, nothing was remembered, no pictures……….nothing….and yet I felt that something terrible must have happened to them.
I also felt that I should not ask any questions, for this would be hurting them…not to stir up memories from the past,………. I think I unconsciously protected my parents. My parents were emotionally broken during the time of the Nazis, and, instead where I should receive support from them as a child, I supported and protected them. As I said before I would not give them the pain in remembering.
I would have loved to know what my mother was like when she was a small child, or my grandmother. What did she look like? How was she? Would she have loved me?
At the age of 9 I was already quite nosy. We had a little cupboard, where the telephone was situated, and in one of the drawers were all sorts of old papers and some old black photo-copies in mirror writing. Instinctively I held the paper against a lamp………I didn't understand what was written there…”2 children of Heinz Gruenfeld killed in Auschwitz ”.
“Oh my G-d, did this mean my father has been married before, and he has already had 2 children, and maybe he loved them more then he loved me? I looked at this document again and again. I had the feeling someone has hit me with a hammer…and I had no one to talk to!
Why did all these terrible things happen in my family, where( in my child-like eyes) all the other families were so normal.
But I did not have a normal childhood. Why was my brother taken "away from me" when I was 7 yrs old?? At the age of 9 he was sent to a Jewish boarding school in Switzerland , to receive a Jewish education I was told……..and at the age of 12 I was sent to boarding school in England. My brother and I had to pay the price for my parents' choice to stay in Germany after the war. I was living in Germany , spoke the German language, had German classmates, German friends, and yet everything seemed so wrong… for they sent my brother and I away.
At the age of 17 I began to read books about the atrocities during the War and slowly I became aware what it really meant to belong to the Jewish people. I wondered if I was not betraying my grandparents and my other dead relatives to continue living my life as though nothing had happened? At the age of 20 I decided to emigrate alone to Israel . I wanted to make sure that my children would always celebrate Chanukah and Purim and Rosh Hashana and Succoth and never Christmas.
I have forgiven my parents long ago for my "not so" normal childhood in Germany . In no way can I ever fathom their sufferings and in retrospect I accept all of their decisions.
Four years ago I was able to close a circle for myself. I visited the cemetery in Hannover with my wonderful daughters Carmit, Tamara and Natalie and my sons-in-law Chaim and Ilan. I wanted to bring joy to my parents and to show them my extended family. My family of which I am so immensely proud, recently welcomed and embraced my little grandchildren Ronnie und Mika now also belong.
Esther Gruenfeld-Domowitz
July 2004